What We Learned During Our First Month On The Road

June 14 marks the one-month point in our year-long Grand Adventure, and here’s what we’ve learned so far:

Things are going to break or need repair. Not sometimes, but all the d@mned time, starting immediately.

There are good people who are ready to help when things break or need repair. Some of them will require money for their assistance, some won’t. You’ll value both.

You’ll be that person in an online RV group who can help someone else who’s freaking out over whatever it is that broke or needs repair on their rig, because you’ve been there and gotten through it. And you’ll feel great knowing you helped.

Every itch or slight brush against your skin is immediately assumed to be a tick once you’ve pulled a tick out of your eyelid.

That screwdriver you used a few times a year in your sticks-and-bricks (house) is now your constant companion.

The ultraviolet water purifier works when it wants to work. When it’s working, fill up every receptacle you own for those times when it doesn’t work, and don’t bother wondering what made it stop, or what made it start again. You will never, ever know the answer.

You’ll be checking the temperature inside your refrigerator several times each day. It’ll either be freezing everything solid or hovering just under the “safe zone.” You’ll have no idea why.

Those frozen baby carrots in your fridge are nice and crunchy once they’ve thawed out a little bit.

Have canned chili in your cupboard at all times. It goes on everything and doesn’t need refrigeration.

The comforting smell of bacon and pancakes wafting through your window from your neighbor’s rig may make you shed a tear, but you’re not there yet. With the learning curve you’re on, your brain simply doesn’t have the capacity to safely combine propane cooking, proper refrigeration, and highly flammable fat. You will be there soon, but you’re not there yet.

Deet can be sprayed on clothing, but only certain clothing, and not when you’re wearing it, and not on a Tuesday, and not if you’re going to wear the clothing in less than two hours, and you should use skin Deet sometimes, but not under clothing, and not…..blah blah blah blah blah……..

When you get Advantix II dog tick repellant on your fingers – because how the hell else are you supposed to separate their thick fur than with your fingers, and the directions don’t tell you to wear gloves – you probably should rinse it off for the recommended 20 minutes, but you don’t actually have to call poison control, as also recommended on the back of the box.

Pull the gray tank while you’re rinsing your fingers for 20 minutes. That’s a lot of water.

When you take your Advantix II tick-repelling dog out for the first time after you put that stuff on them, bugs do actually stay away. Score, you genius!

When you’re driving the RV, you and your co-pilot will see the road surface in a way you never did before. When it’s rough, you’ll cringe over every single bump, because your rig has become a beloved friend and doesn’t deserve that abuse. When the road is smooth, you’ll feel a sense of euphoria you never knew was possible.

When you spill an entire glass of wine over your laptop, it will die of alcohol poisoning. Don’t fool yourself. It’s never going to live again. Just go get a new one, because this one is dead. And it won’t be the old one you spilled all that wine over. It’ll be the newer one. This is simply the way of it, so accept it and move on. Life is still worth living.

That washer/dryer combo you paid a shit-ton of money for is worth every single penny when you’ve got fresh laundry making your rig smell like a flower-filled summer’s day.

There is no rhyme nor reason for why any given roadway is designated “Scenic Byway.” As far as we can tell, that just means there’s either nothing but trees on both sides of the road, or trees that block whatever gorgeous view is just on the other side of them. Signs will indicate you might see a moose or a deer, but you won’t.

Deer live in the city. Go find them there. And when you find a mama with her brand-new baby you’ll feel like you’ve been given a gift you’ll never forget.

This is a big, big country. A country you THINK is big, but it’s even BIGGER than you THINK it is. It’s absolutely beautiful, and worth all the annoying, perplexing, and frustrating stuff it takes to allow you to see it.

Our second month starts tomorrow, and the good news is, we’re one month smarter than we were when we started. How lucky we are to be doing this!